Torn feelings: A diagnosis

So, finally, after so many years of struggling emotionally and mentally, the psychologist revealed to me today what it is that’s been going on with me.

The Daily Prompt of ‘Torn’ is quite fitting.

The very nice psychologist came to the following conclusions about me:

  1. I have severe social anxiety
  2. I have a sensory disorder (I get overloaded by certain things I see, hear or feel)
  3. I have Alexithymia(I have difficulty inexperiencing, expressing and describing my emotions and how I feel)

So, not only am I torn about how I feel but also my mind is torn three different and separate ways. And now I have to work out how to deal with each of them.

This is pretty spot on right now…

It’s bad, isn’t it, that my whole life I’ve never fitted in and now the same’s true for my diagnosis? I was frustrated, angry, disappointed and cried a hell of a lot. That’s because I know how to do this and do it well. And this rings true…

I was told a few days ago that I was an ‘interesting case’ and that I was ‘definitely special and fabulous’. Lovely, but seeing as compliments freak me out and make me awkward, it wasn’t great.

I have a full report basically telling me I’m very anxious. Which I knew.

The cause? For those who know me, you’ll already know this…My Dad. This surprises me not. That’s a WHOLE different blogpost for when I’m less seethingly angry at him. Or when it’s simmering. I write better when there’s simmering.

For now, I’ll continue to be torn between the diagnosis I got today and what I’ve been told in the past, and try to find my way to self-help.


If anyone has any hints or tips on dealing with the above, that would be awesome.

17 thoughts on “Torn feelings: A diagnosis

  1. I have never been diagnosed with Alexithymia but it seems I may suffer this as well. I can not express what I am feeling. Putting word’s to my emotions is almost impossible. I need to read up on this. Thank you for posting. Remember all thing’s work themselves out with work. When I received my diagnosis of bipolar I thought my life was over but it had only just begun. I will keep you in my thoughts. Sending positive vibes your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much, this is so kind. It’s hard isn’t it? Something, as human, I’m supposed to have nailed & I can’t do it! 😂 your kind words have helped so thank you. Sending positive thoughts your way too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Labels are most useful if they can be used to guide you in useful treatment directions. It sounds like the 3 things your psychologist has come up with are so intertwined there’s no way they could be dealt with in isolation.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Alexithymia is one of the major symptoms of childhood emotional neglect. It may help you to read Jonice Webbs book Running on Empty. She describes about 10 symptoms which are hard to relate to emotional neglect which can be deeply hidden. I have written several posts on CEN but they are embedded in my blog. Self compassion and self acceptance is one way of dealing best with anxiety. Dont fight it but try to experience it with your observer self. Its hard but you will grown and learn. Jonice Webb may have a website I am not sure. Kind wishes Deborah

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Deborah, you’re too kind, thank you so much for suggesting this to read. I can’t find anything really that relates to Alexithymia. I’ll definitely give your blog & Jonice Webb’s book 🙂 thanks so much for the recommendation & kind words 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much, that would be amazing ❤️ it really can. How do you feel about it now? I’m starting to see when I feel something, I get all confused.


      • Yes, I am still trying to sort out my feelings because often I was told not to feel that way. and thats confusing. I found a good therapist who validates me and that has helped a lot, as to good friends. But even then I can get mixed up. Its all a work in progress. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Absolutely. This is the same for me. My Mum was very ‘belt & braces’ ‘pull yourself together, what’s wrong now?’ etc so it got confusing. Have you? That’s awesome you’ve found someone who helps 🙂


  4. Pingback: Does identity stump diagnosis? | My Anxiety Matters

  5. I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression when I was 16. With social anxiety support groups are really nice. I went to a 10 week peer support CBT program last year it was helpful. If they have a drop in group after you are done the program attend it. I didn’t do that but I’m going to look in too going now cause I could use the support.

    Liked by 1 person

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