Mental health, money & me

We’ve just come back from Christmas shopping & it was the hardest thing. Generally, 50% of people are traumatised by festive shoppers but this is different.

Because of my mood highs & lows, I tend to spend lots of money. I tend to spend more money than I can afford on things that I don’t really need but that make me feel better at that time. In short, I have no concept of money & will happily spend hundreds of pounds of money on clothes, presents, books. You name it, I’ll have a reason in my mind to buy it.

In the past I’ve racked up so much debt that it’s made my anxiety go through the roof but at the time of spending, I wouldn’t even think about it. A sense of how much or what on wouldn’t phase me.

I’d pay some of the bill off each month but always spent more than I paid back. One vicious cycle. One hideous problem.

This was me today…

Hiding how twitchy & upset behind the shades. They’re my saving grace on many levels. I’m not great with bright lights anyway but today was a case of doing some hiding.

Only when I met Karl did I actually tell him. I hadn’t told anyone before. I was ashamed of the habit I’d gotten myself into at University. It was the making of me & the breaking of my bank account.

And speaking of banks, all they did was extend my overdraft & credit card limits, despite me ringing at all times of the day to ask what I could do about it. I was like a drug addict going cold turkey.

My partner just so happens to be a whizz with numbers so he was straight into helping me, creating a budget, a list each month of what I wanted to buy that month etc. I handed over my cards to him & decided having a limited amount of cash so when i was spent up, I was spent up. Generally, it works well.


  • Better with the concept of money
  • I only spend what I have on me
  • I value my money more
  • I’m more organised with what I want to buy
  • I pay my bills on time

However, mentally:

  • It’s like withdrawal
  • All I can think about is spending
  • I sulk
  • I try to rationalise it in my head but it’s like a Wimbledon tennis match

I’m trying. My partner jokingly always says ‘Why yes you are’. He also tells me I am doing well but I don’t feel it.

I have, however, shared my story with the mental health charity, Hafal. They’ve launched a money advice service with Lloyd’s Bank to help people like me. It’s UK wide & could really help if you’re like me & want help.

The website is called the Mental Health & Money Advice Service.Take look. It might not help you but it might help someone you know.

9 thoughts on “Mental health, money & me

  1. I use to have a problem with money and actually went through similar problems like you. I didn’t have anyone to help me though and didn’t know my husband at the time. Sure, my parents told me to be better with money especially when I was in college, but who listens to their parents? xD I learned myself to break this habit and luckily I did break it before it was too late. Other than student loans I am still paying off for a course in college I never even finished. Truth is I wouldn’t have been in debt with them if I didn’t spend it all on dumb crap. I never had a credit card though at that time and never ran into problems enough with my bank luckily. So I can sort of relate, but not entirely as I don’t think my habit was too bad, and it was only for a short period of my life. I was actually a great saver as a young teen, then kinda somehow got off track.

    I do however get anxious from shopping in general, stores and crowds give me a wack load of anxiety. So I am always a wreck after a shopping trip. So I can relate to the anxiety side of things even if it is different.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Money has been a big issue with me too. I am in the habit of postponing my unpaid bills until the last moment. But then there are good days when I feel like getting stuff done. I have a sticky note on my cupboard that reads – “Be a little frugal”. It is a reminder. Hold tight. This will get better. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by on my blog. Do let me know how you like The Bell Jar once you are done.

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  3. Pingback: Liebster Award 2018 | My Anxiety Matters

  4. I hear you. This is a tough one and one we’ve struggled with here for many years. I was the organized frugal one, along comes my hubby who spends happily and hopes for the best. I feel physically sick when making big purchases – they don’t phase him. To this day we still struggle….sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oo how did you feel about that? It’s hard if it’s someone else & you’ve been in a good pattern. Do you? It’s tough. I’ve definitely changed thanks to my partner. It’s taken me six months to buy a dress because I had to think about it, pros & cons it & work out it it was worth buying! I totally understand what you mean!


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