Sense and Sensibility…and Shots

Happy Monday one and all. I hope you had fabulous weekends and managed to take some time for yourselves. In general, I had a lovely weekend but as the title suggests, I didn’t manage to weigh up being sensible with having tequila shots!

It’s on a very rare occasion these days that I actually drink alcohol. Years ago, I would be out all the time with my friends, being really boozy and trying to drink away the anxiety. However, and as many of you will probably know, it definitely doesn’t help. In fact, it makes things worse. Recently, because of my new diagnosis, Dad-stuff and studying stuff, I’ve been feeling really angry and anxious. I’m not entirely sure my anti-psychotic medication is helping as I’ve now started having chest pains which I’ve never had before and have lost the feeling in three of the toes on my left foot (odd I know).

Anyway, going off topic as per usual!

So I started my weekend out with my local Parkrun and 144 other enthusiastic runners at 9am on Saturday morning. I felt like a just needed to run the anxiety out of me. It was getting more and more pent-up. It was a good run and nearly had a PB.

Then there was shopping and spending time with my Mum and sister which was fun and cuddling the puppy later in the afternoon.

I got myself into an anxious and angry tizz before I even left the house as I couldn’t decide what to wear and could feel the rage building. Eventually (the pup had fallen asleep by the time I’d chosen what to wear), I left the house and my little sis ‘made me up’ for my evening out.

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Then there was gin. Then there was a Long Island Ice Tea. And then there was Tequila. The latter being all my undoing. I don’t think of how awful it makes me feel until it’s the day after and I actually want to die. The evening was amazing and there were conversations flowing about mental health and how we were all dealing with our problems. An alcohol fuelled therapy session.

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The day after. I felt OK, bit of a headache. By 10.30am, I was cleaning the house, stripping the beds and doing the washing. I then took the puppy on a long-ish walk, sorted and cleaned my wardrobe, did the food shopping, made dinner, and cleaned the kitchen (again). This might look like me being super productive but when I’m on the edge-of-my-seat anxious, I clean. Obsessively. I get angry and raging when things aren’t tidy or in their place. Luckily, my partner was out so didn’t get to see me throwing things about. THIS is the problem with alcohol.

Then came the chest pains, the rushing thoughts, the panic attack and my poor other half telling me I was going to hospital. I panicked about him leaving me and started ranting about my Dad. My partner insisted on hospital but I refused to go. There’s nothing they could do about it so I just sat and waited for the pains to settle. My lovely man sat and gave me hugs, made me laugh and helped to take my mind off things. I used the reliable co-codamol to knock me out and help the pains.

What I’m gathering from this is that common sense should’ve told me not to drink as much as I did. I should’ve had the intelligence and sensibility not to do that to myself but ultimately, the shots won. I was upset because having a drink for me is not the same as it is for the majority of people and it makes me sad.

Those of you who struggle with your mental health, have you given up drinking altogether? Is that the best way forward?

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9 thoughts on “Sense and Sensibility…and Shots

  1. “lost the feeling in three of the toes on my left foot (odd I know).
    Anyway, going off topic as per usual!”

    This is not off topic; it’s indication of an amazing level of self-awareness. It is ridiculously difficult to be able to identify the feelings of each individual toe! Acknowledging a lack of feeling absolutely still counts. You’ve achieved a level of mindful awareness that gives you one hell of a great arsenal against anxiety. It doesn’t stand a chance against you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am cutting down my alcohol, because the after drink anxiety is terrible, and just makes getting up, going about your day, worse. I think it’s so easy to drink away your problems when you’re ill, and it makes you feel awful afterwards!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hm…no. Although I only have a glass of wine 2 – 3 times a week. I’ve found a brand that doesn’t give me a headache. It really helps me to unwind if I’ve been in a tizzy all day. So, I don’t drink too much at a time because that would make me feel sick and terrible too. Having a hangover makes the anxiety worse for sure. I guess I would say that I am careful about it too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh wow, that’s good. It’s great that you’re so aware of it. I just get carried away with being the ‘party girl’ without thinking at the time how it will affect me after!

      Like

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